Life is crazy sometimes, but for me and my somewhat reality based television show of a life it’s like a drama fest 24/7. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and how do I even start describing to my readers what I’ve gone through, felt, discovered, appreciated, related to, and lived for the past month. So I’m not going to think about it anymore and just write.
He is gone. Literally, he left the state for College. He got a 2 year full ride scholarship to a school and is somewhere over the rainbow. I’m ok. I’m at peace. I feel fine. Well my physiologist told me that I should say these things to better equipped my mind at reacting to anxiety. So again I repeat. I’m ok. I’m at peace. I feel fine.
But honestly I haven’t felt better in about 1 year and yeah it sucks to lose the love of your life, but if I feel this good with him out of my life imagine how I was feeling with him in my life. Although I might have looked happy from the outside, I was like a crack feign deliberately killing myself at any expense. He didn’t make the cut; he wasn’t fully making me happy. And what are we all here on this earth to do but to be happy. At this time in my life I cannot afford to have a part time boyfriend. Someone that makes me incredibly happy when I’m with him, but then I have to turn into the incredible hulk and pressure him to call me every night. Enough was enough so I let him go. He wasn’t mine to begin with he was and still belongs to God, and just like I always say maybe he will be returned to me a better man.
I’m not saying that I’m over him, but just over the bullshitt.
He is gone. Literally, he left the state for College. He got a 2 year full ride scholarship to a school and is somewhere over the rainbow. I’m ok. I’m at peace. I feel fine. Well my physiologist told me that I should say these things to better equipped my mind at reacting to anxiety. So again I repeat. I’m ok. I’m at peace. I feel fine.
But honestly I haven’t felt better in about 1 year and yeah it sucks to lose the love of your life, but if I feel this good with him out of my life imagine how I was feeling with him in my life. Although I might have looked happy from the outside, I was like a crack feign deliberately killing myself at any expense. He didn’t make the cut; he wasn’t fully making me happy. And what are we all here on this earth to do but to be happy. At this time in my life I cannot afford to have a part time boyfriend. Someone that makes me incredibly happy when I’m with him, but then I have to turn into the incredible hulk and pressure him to call me every night. Enough was enough so I let him go. He wasn’t mine to begin with he was and still belongs to God, and just like I always say maybe he will be returned to me a better man.
I’m not saying that I’m over him, but just over the bullshitt.
No comments:
Post a Comment