Domingo

Lazy Sunday.

I love today. I'm in Hemet at my parents house and it's been a pretty decent day. I've cleaned up allot and got my life kinda back in order. Love it when it feels like things are finally coming into place. I think I'm going to stay with my parents for a while, pay off debts, save money and then apply to Howard University in November. I have a few test to take, get letters of recommendation and send out my transcripts but I can do that... whoo yoo! I'm so excited that I feel at peace with my overall decisions in my life. Had the "beach talk" and feel so so so good about it. Love is amazing and my friends have showered me with amazing love these past weeks...I'm so freakin Blessed to have these people in my life. Thank you God for bestowing upon me my own little angels. They have lifted me up and brought me closer to you in the process.

I'm watching the Hills and it is so funny. This show is addicting..it's like crack! I can also relate in so many ways. I can only imagine if a camera followed me around every single day of my life!

Anyways...enjoy your day! Much love!

08-16-08

So I sit here confused a little bit more. I thought it was over, we quietly shut the door.

The pain was slowly separating itself from my mind, and like clock work you steeped back in line.

Did God speak to you in the past couple days, was it him that spoke softly to your mind as you lay?

Are you steeping up finally, my leader will rise...or are you afraid and alone and need me by your side?

What is it just tell me I don't want to wait, why is it that I must go up there and pretend its a date?

Will you hold me, and kiss me and tell me you were wrong...wrong about everything wrong along.

Or will you look at me and tell me goodbye in a nice way, the way that will hurt me each and everyday.

I thought it was over, done, poof be gone...but hopeful that love, and God have a bond.

Birth of a baby

I've been having these dreams recently about babies. In one of them I was pregnant, the other I was giving birth, and most recently I've actually held my little brown baby in my arms..holding her little body against mine. In all of the dreams I didn't feel scared, I didn't cry or scream. I was just in awww..of this miracle and was conscious of this little thing changing my whole world. As I awake I touch my belly praying to God that it's not true, that I'm not pregnant and that it was all a dream.
Curious to see what my dreams mean, and what God has been telling me as I'm asleep. I search online to see what having a baby meant. (usually represents a new beginning or a new creation in your life. It is generally very positive and indicates growth in your life!) Exciting stuff I must say, I'm all about new creations and new beginnings. But I must also say that with change comes hurt, frustration, disappointment and sadness.
Allot of Change has happen to me in the past week, and I'm scared. I felt as if I have been left open, vulnerable for the taking. But then something inside of me remembered and resulted back to my many dreams and I'm now feeling a bit better. I have to understand that God gives us all of our great possessions in life, and when he wants them back we have to be willing to let go. Maybe he wants to take them away from us to fix them, heal them make them better for you; or maybe he wants them out of your life all together. Whatever it may be we have to be willing to let go of things that weren't ours to begin with. God will provide he always does.
My head has been filled with so many thoughts over the past year. I've been through my deepest fear, lived to tell the story and I'm still a work in progress. Reaching out to God for help, understanding and encouragement. With the wisdom, support and love form my friends I'm taking the next steps forward in my life. Living in the present and not concentrating on what I don't have, and appreciating what I do have.
It's hard to start new again...but I feel refreshed like a Monday morning..the begging of the week, like a new born baby seeing light for the very first time. Like a little puppy embarking on a new toy that it just discovered; and as a strong willed women walking along side her best friend that has been there for her since day 1.

Broken

I finally did what I think I was suppose to do, something that had been in the back of my mind for months. I thought that when it happened everything would be better, a few tears but I wouldn't look back with regret or disappointment. I thought that I would feel this burden lifted off my shoulders, heart..something holding my down un-allowing me to reach my potential..but it was the complete opposite.

Love is so strong and real-true love is the strongest emotion I can even imagine. I'm hurt, afraid, and standing still un-able to move afraid that if I do you will walk away forever. i wish I could take back my words, my demeanor the way I said it...and just hug, love and kiss you like before. But instead you held open the door for me and said you'll call me lata.

It's Later and still no call, please forgive me and lets just Be..You and ME.

I'm Broken.

TGIF

So It's Friday! and It's Payday..and I got to wear flip flops today...and my company won free Burritos...it's like one of the best days ever! It was so nice outside so that's a bummer that I have to stay on my butt in my office...but at least I have an office and a huge window.

Sophia (the intern) Last day was yesterday...it was very sad, but we ate dinner together..yummy Thia food and talk and talked about work, life and boys!

ugg! I have a list of things to do after work:

1. Post Office..mail checks!
2. Sallys: Root Stimulator (growing my hair long...trying to)
3. GNC: vitamins
4. TJmax: House warming Party
5. Platos Closet (summer dresses)

So looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow!!!